onair

Chapter 8

The next six months were the happiest of my life.

I got a promotion at work, with a raise big enough that I could afford to move us into a bigger apartment with a small backyard. I planted tomatoes and sunflowers along the fence. Louisa helped me dig the holes, her little hands covered in dirt, laughing every time a worm wiggled past.

Her hair grew back fast, soft and golden and curly, just like it had been before. By the time fall came, it was long enough that I could tie it into two tiny pigtails on the top of her head. She’d stand in front of the mirror for ten minutes every morning, turning her head side to side, grinning.

“Look, Mommy,” she’d say. “Pretty!”

Elmer’s visits became unsupervised after six months, just like the judge had ordered.

He’d pick Louisa up every Saturday morning and take her to the zoo, or the park, or out for pancakes. He’d bring her back in the afternoon, her pockets full of rocks and leaves, chattering about everything they’d done.

We started talking more, too.

Not about the past. Not about his family. Just about Louisa. About her preschool. About how she’d learned to ride a tricycle. About how she’d started sleeping with the light off because she said “Mommy and Daddy are brave, so I’m brave too.”

One Saturday in October, he brought her back and she was asleep in the backseat, clutching a giant stuffed rabbit he’d won her at a carnival.

He carried her up to her room, tucked her in, and closed the door softly behind him.

We stood in the hallway for a minute, awkward, like we were strangers who’d just met.

“Can I get you a glass of water?” I said finally.

“Sure,” he said.

We sat at the kitchen table, drinking water, not saying anything.

“I sold the apartment,” he said finally. “The big one we all lived in.”

I nodded. I didn’t ask why.

“Mom and Dad moved into a small trailer out by the highway with Heather,” he said. “They don’t have much money. Lydia’s record makes it impossible for her to get a job. Heather can’t keep anything longer than a week. Walter drinks too much. They still say none of it was their fault. They say I betrayed them by choosing you and Louisa over them.”

He looked down at his hands.

“I haven’t talked to them in four months,” he said. “I tried once. I told Mom I’d forgive her if she’d just say she was sorry to Louisa. She told me I was a weak son, that she should have raised me better. I hung up and blocked their numbers. I haven’t called back.”

He looked up at me.

“I don’t miss them,” he said, like he was surprised to say it out loud. “I thought I would. But all I feel when I think about them is… empty. They never loved me. They loved the idea of me being their son, doing what they said, taking their side no matter what. But that’s not love. Not really.”

I thought about the night he’d banged on my motel door, screaming. I thought about the text he’d sent me, telling me to apologize to the woman who’d hurt my baby.

I thought about the man sitting in front of me now—quiet, humble, showing up every single week for his daughter, working every day to be better.

People can change, I thought again.

“I’m glad you found that out now,” I said. “Not later.”

He smiled, a small, sad smile.

“Me too.”

He stood up to leave.

“Joanna?” he said, pausing in the doorway.

“Yeah?”

“I’m not asking for anything,” he said. “I know I don’t deserve it. But I just wanted you to know… I’m still in love with you. I have been since the day I met you. And I’m going to spend the rest of my life proving to you that I can be the man you married. The man you and Louisa deserve. Whenever you’re ready. If you’re ever ready. I’ll be here.”

He left before I could say anything.

I sat at the kitchen table for a long time after he was gone, looking out the window at the sunflowers swaying in the wind.

May you like

I didn’t know if I’d ever be ready to trust him again.

But for the first time, I thought maybe, someday, I could be.

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