onair

Chapter 10

Six months later.

It was a warm July evening. The sun was setting pink and gold over the backyard, painting the sunflowers I’d planted the year before in orange light.

Louisa was running around the grass with Lily and Jake, chasing a butterfly, her long curly pigtails flying behind her. She was four and a half now, tall for her age, with a gap where her two front teeth had fallen out the month before. She laughed so loud the neighbors probably heard her.

Elmer was standing by the grill, flipping burgers, wearing an apron that said “World’s Okayest Dad” that Louisa had made him for Father’s Day.

My mom and Mia were sitting at the patio table, drinking iced tea, gossiping about people I didn’t know.

I was leaning against the porch rail, holding a glass of lemonade, watching them.

The silver teddy bear necklace Elmer had given me for Louisa’s birthday glinted in the sunset.

We hadn’t gotten back together. Not officially.

But he’d moved into the small guest room at the apartment three months prior, after his lease ran out and he couldn’t find a place he liked close enough to see Louisa every day. We slept in separate rooms. We took things slow. We talked. We listened. We learned to trust each other again, one small, honest moment at a time.

He’d never mentioned his family again.

I’d never asked.

“Dinner’s ready!” Elmer called.

The kids came running, skidding to a stop at the table. We loaded up our plates with burgers and potato salad and corn on the cob. Louisa sat between Elmer and me, dipping her fries in ketchup, telling us all about the caterpillar she’d found at preschool that day.

After dinner, the kids went back to playing. My mom and Mia went inside to do the dishes, leaving Elmer and me alone on the porch.

He sat down next to me, our shoulders touching just like they had on Christmas night.

“Remember that night in the motel?” he said quietly. “When I banged on the door and screamed at you? When I told everyone you were crazy?”

I nodded. I remembered. I’d never forget.

“I think about it every day,” he said. “I think about how close I came to losing both of you forever. How close I came to being just like them. Angry. Cruel. Blinded by what my mom told me was right.”

He turned to look at me.

“But you gave me a second chance,” he said. “You let me be Louisa’s dad. You let me try to be better. And I don’t ever want you to think I take that for granted. I will spend every day for the rest of my life making it up to you. To both of you.”

I looked out at Louisa, who was now lying in the grass, staring up at the first stars coming out.

“I was angry for so long,” I said. “At Lydia. At Heather. At Walter. At you. For a long time, I thought I’d be angry forever. But then I looked at her. I looked at how happy she is. How safe. And I realized… holding onto the anger wasn’t hurting them. It was hurting me. It was hurting her.”

I turned to Elmer.

“You’re not them,” I said. “You made a terrible mistake. But you fixed it. You worked for it. You earned your way back. And I love you for that.”

His eyes widened.

I hadn’t said those words to him in over a year.

He reached over and took my hand.

I didn’t pull away.

Louisa came running over then, out of breath, her cheeks pink.

“Mommy! Daddy! Come look! I found a lightning bug!”

She held out her cupped hands. There, glowing softly in the dark, was a tiny firefly.

“Make a wish,” she said.

Elmer and I looked at each other, smiling.

We closed our eyes.

I didn’t wish for money, or a bigger house, or anything fancy.

I wished for this.

For quiet summer nights. For Louisa’s laugh. For second chances. For happy days forever, just like she’d asked for.

Louisa opened her hands and let the firefly go.

We watched it fly up into the dark, blinking on and off, until it disappeared into the trees.

Louisa yawned, big and wide, and leaned against my leg.

“Tired, baby?” I said.

She nodded, her eyes half closed.

Elmer picked her up, and she rested her head on his shoulder, her curls falling over his arm.

We walked inside together.

Elmer carried her to her room, and I tucked her in, kissing her forehead.

“Good night, my love,” I whispered.

“Good night, Mommy,” she mumbled. “Good night, Daddy. Love you.”

“Love you too, baby,” Elmer said.

We turned off the light and closed the door softly behind us.

We stood in the hallway for a minute, in the quiet dark.

Elmer pulled me close, wrapping his arms around my waist.

This time, I didn’t hesitate.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him.

It was soft. Slow. Like coming home after a very long, very hard journey.

When we pulled apart, he rested his forehead against mine.

“Happy?” he whispered.

I smiled.

I thought about the girl I’d been a year and a half before—scared, alone, holding my bald, crying baby in a cheap motel room, wondering if my life would ever be good again.

I thought about the woman I was now—strong, loved, confident, with a daughter who was safe and happy, a man who loved me enough to change, a family I’d built for myself that was nothing like the toxic one I’d left behind.

Justice had been served.

The people who’d hurt us had gotten what they deserved.

And we were free.

Completely, utterly free.

“I’m happy,” I said, and I meant it with every fiber of my being. “I’m so, so happy.”

Outside, the fireflies blinked in the dark.

Somewhere, a crickets chirped.

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And for the first time in my life, I knew, without a single doubt, that the worst was behind us.

And the best was yet to come.

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