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Chapter 9

Thursday morning came too fast.

We were up at five. Showered. Dressed. Drank the terrible instant coffee Linda made in the shelter kitchen.

Maya was quiet.

She did not sing in the shower like she had on Tuesday. She did not swing her legs at breakfast. She just sat there, picking at a piece of toast, her face pale, her hands trembling slightly.

“Nervous?” I asked.

She nodded. “What if something goes wrong?”

“Nothing is going to go wrong,” I said. “Dr. Lawson is the best. He’s done this a thousand times. You’ll be asleep the whole time. You won’t feel a thing. And when you wake up, it’ll be over. All of it.”

She looked at me. “You promise you’ll be there when I wake up?”

“I promise,” I said. “I’ll be sitting right beside your bed. Holding your hand. Just like always. I won’t leave for even one second.”

That seemed to help. A little.

Maria arrived at six to drive us to the hospital. She held Maya’s hand the whole way there, telling her silly stories about her dog and her garden and the time she accidentally dyed her hair neon pink.

By the time we pulled into the hospital parking lot, Maya was actually laughing.

We went straight to the same-day surgery center. They checked us in, gave Maya a hospital bracelet and a fluffy blue gown, and showed us to a curtained-off bay in the pre-op area.

Maya changed into the gown. She climbed onto the bed. A nurse came in and started an IV in her hand. She winced.

“Almost done,” the nurse said, taping it down. “The anesthesiologist will be in in a minute to talk to you. You’ll be asleep before you know it.”

Dr. Lawson stopped by a few minutes later. He was in scrubs, a mask hanging around his neck.

“Hey, Maya,” he said, smiling. “How we doing?”

“Scared,” she admitted.

“That’s completely normal,” he said. “I’d be more worried if you weren’t scared. But I promise you—this is routine. We’ll take great care of you. You’ll be in and out in a few hours. And by dinner time, you’ll be back at the shelter eating ice cream and watching bad TV. Sound good?”

Maya managed a small smile. “Sound good.”

“Excellent,” he said. He turned to me. “Mrs. Thorne—they’ll come get her in about ten minutes. The procedure itself takes about forty-five minutes. Then another hour in recovery. You can wait in the family lounge down the hall. Someone will come get you the second she’s awake.”

“Thank you, Dr. Lawson,” I said.

He nodded and left.

Ten minutes later, two orderlies arrived with a wheelchair. They helped Maya transfer from the bed to the chair. She was shivering now. Not from cold—from fear.

She grabbed my hand as they wheeled her toward the operating room doors.

“Mom,” she said, her voice small. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby,” I said. I leaned down and kissed her forehead. “So much. More than anything in the whole world.”

The doors swung open. They wheeled her through.

And then they closed.

She was gone.

I stood there for a long time, staring at the closed doors.

Then I turned and walked to the family lounge.

It was a small room with uncomfortable plastic chairs, a vending machine, and a television mounted in the corner playing the morning news on mute. I was the only one there.

I sat down in the chair closest to the door. I folded my hands in my lap.

And I waited.

One minute.

Five minutes.

Ten minutes.

I tried to read a magazine but the words swam on the page. I tried to watch TV but I had no idea what was happening. I just stared at the door, waiting for someone to come through it and tell me she was okay.

Thirty minutes.

Forty minutes.

An hour.

My leg was bouncing up and down. My heart was racing. I knew, logically, that everything was fine. Dr. Lawson had said it was routine. Millions of women had this procedure every year. Complications were rare.

But logic did nothing to quiet the fear.

What if something went wrong?

What if I lost her?

What if the last thing I ever said to her was “I love you” and the last thing she ever saw was those doors closing?

I stood up and started pacing. Back and forth. Back and forth. In front of the vending machine. In front of the TV. In front of the window that looked out over the parking lot.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

An hour and fifteen minutes.

An hour and a half.

I was about to go out to the nurses’ station and demand answers when the door finally opened.

Dr. Lawson walked in.

He was still in scrubs. He pulled his mask down. He was smiling.

My knees almost gave out.

“It’s over,” he said. “Everything went perfectly. No complications. She’s in recovery now. Waking up. She’s asking for you.”

I did not say anything. I just ran past him, out of the lounge, down the hall toward the recovery area.

A nurse tried to stop me at the desk. “Ma’am, you can’t go in there—”

“That’s my daughter,” I said. “Dr. Lawson said I could see her.”

She stepped aside.

I found Maya in the third bay.

She was lying on the bed, covered with a warm blanket. Her eyes were half-closed, groggy from the anesthesia. There was an IV still in her hand. But her color was good. Her breathing was steady.

She was alive.

She was okay.

“Mom,” she mumbled when she saw me. She tried to lift her arm but it was too heavy. “You came.”

“Of course I came,” I said, pulling a chair right up beside the bed. I took her hand in both of mine. It was warm. “I promised I’d be here. Remember?”

“Mmm,” she said. Her eyes were closing again. “Tired. Everything hurts a little.”

“I know, baby,” I said. “But it’s over. All of it. He’s gone. It’s gone. You’re free now.”

She smiled. A tiny, sleepy, beautiful smile.

“Free,” she repeated. “I like the sound of that.”

She drifted off to sleep again.

I sat there and held her hand for the next two hours while the nurses checked her vitals and brought her juice and crackers. She woke up periodically, drank a little juice, said a few incoherent things about unicorns and pizza, and fell back asleep.

By noon, she was alert enough to go home.

The wheeled her out to the car in a wheelchair. She was wrapped in the blanket, leaning her head on my shoulder.

Maria was waiting for us by the van. She had stopped at the grocery store on the way—ice cream, chocolate, potato chips, all of Maya’s favorite comfort foods.

“Recovery essentials,” she said, winking.

The drive back to the shelter was quiet. Maya slept most of the way.

When we got back, Linda had our room ready. Fresh sheets. The heating pad plugged in and warming on the bed. A stack of Maya’s favorite DVDs on the nightstand.

“Doctor’s orders,” Linda said. “Bed rest for the rest of the day. Movies. Junk food. No thinking allowed.”

Maya actually laughed.

We spent the rest of the day exactly like that.

We climbed into the same bed together—something we had not done since she was a little girl and had nightmares about monsters under the bed. We ate ice cream straight out of the carton. We watched every terrible romantic comedy Maya loved. We did not talk about the procedure. We did not talk about Mark. We did not talk about Robert or the divorce or the trial or anything hard.

We just... were.

Mother and daughter.

Together.

At seven that evening, there was a knock on the door.

I got up and opened it, expecting Linda or Rachel.

It was Robert.

He was standing in the doorway, holding a huge bouquet of Maya’s favorite flowers—sunflowers—and a paper bag from the bakery downtown that sold the chocolate chip cookies she went crazy for.

He looked better than he had on Wednesday. Shaved. Clean clothes. But his eyes were still red.

“I know I’m not supposed to be here,” he said before I could say anything. “The protective order. I know. But the DA called. Mark pled guilty this afternoon. No trial. He took the plea deal. Twenty-five to life. No chance of parole for twenty-five years. He’ll be in his sixties when he gets out. If he ever gets out.”

I froze.

Mark pled guilty.

No trial.

Maya would not have to testify. She would not have to relive every moment in front of a courtroom full of strangers. She would not have to face him.

It was really, truly over.

“I thought you’d want to know,” Robert said. He held out the flowers and the cookies. “These are for Maya. To celebrate. I won’t come in. I just wanted to... I don’t know. Bring something. Be part of it, even just a little.”

I looked at the flowers. At the cookies. At Robert’s face—hopeful, broken, waiting.

I thought about Maya inside. Asleep on the bed, finally free. Finally safe.

I thought about everything Robert had done. And everything he had failed to do.

But I also thought about what he had done right.

He had testified to the police. He had helped them find Mark. He had signed the consent forms without argument. He had not fought the divorce. He had not made this harder than it already was.

He was trying.

In his own broken, imperfect way, he was trying.

“Maya is resting,” I said. “She had surgery today. She’s asleep.”

Robert’s face fell. “Oh. Of course. I should have called first. I’m sorry. I’ll just—”

“I’ll give them to her,” I said.

He stopped. He looked at me.

“You will?”

“Yes,” I said. I took the flowers and the bag. “I’ll tell her you stopped by. And I’ll tell her about Mark. When she wakes up.”

“Thank you,” he said. His voice cracked. “Clara... I know I don’t deserve it. But thank you.”

He stood there for another moment, like he wanted to say more. Then he just nodded, turned, and walked down the hall.

I closed the door.

I carried the flowers and the cookies over to the nightstand. I put the flowers in the vase with the daisies Linda had given us. I set the cookies beside them.

Maya stirred on the bed. She blinked her eyes open.

“Who was that?” she mumbled.

“Your dad,” I said. I sat down on the edge of the bed. “He brought you flowers and cookies. And he had some news.”

She sat up, wincing slightly. “News?”

“Mark pled guilty today,” I said. “No trial. He’s going away for twenty-five years to life. He’ll never hurt anyone ever again.”

Maya was quiet.

She processed the words. She looked at the sunflowers. At the cookies. At me.

And then she did something I did not expect.

She started to cry.

Not the terrified, pained sobs from before. Not the angry, bitter tears.

These were different.

These were tears of relief.

Of release.

Of a burden finally, finally being lifted off her shoulders.

She threw her arms around me and held on tight.

“It’s over,” she sobbed into my shoulder. “It’s really over.”

May you like

I held her. I stroked her hair. I kissed the top of her head.

“Yes, baby,” I whispered. “It’s really over.”

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